I want to drive home two very important truths about romantic relationships between men and women. They are:

1. Men and women are different.
2. Sex really does begin in the kitchen.

There are profound differences in every aspect of the makeup of men and women, and the sad truth is that most men don’t understand women at all.

For example, if I asked a thousand men, "What is the most special act a man can engage in with a woman?" I’d probably get a response of leering laughter, catcalls, and statements such as, "boy, if you don’t know that, I feel sorry for you!"

The problem is that if I ask women that same question I am going to get a completely different answer. Men think that sexual intercourse is the most special physical act, while a woman will say the most special act is just being held and holding on to the man she loves. A husband who doesn’t understand that his wife needs him to express his love for her by holding her close to him, gently and tenderly, is not going to have a happy and fulfilled wife, no matter how much of an "artist" he may fancy himself to be when it comes to sex.

Am I saying that women don’t enjoy sex? Not at all. A woman who has a partner who makes her feel loved and cherished is capable of receiving immense pleasure form sexual love. But still, there is something in her soul that longs for the intimacy of being held than for the thrill of sexual contact.

Another way men and women are different is that men are more readily stimulated by sight than are women.

A man’s time clock may start ticking at the sight of an attractive female, a suggestive picture, or a seductive look. He is easily aroused by external stimuli, whereas most women aren’t. My wife has always claimed that I’m more sexy with my clothes on than off. I’ve never tried it, but some night I’m going to sneak under the covers in my best three-piece pinstripe suit and bellow my mating call.

Now don’t think that I’m saying that some women are not aroused my the physical presence of men; that would be a ridiculous statement to make. But remember that the most meaningful act a husband can engage in with his wife is just to hold her. And any time he’s willing to do that, without expecting it to lead to anything else, his wife is going to be in seventh heaven. I hope your listening to me guys!

To begin to become one in marriage, to begin to meet each other’s needs, we have to realize that men and women are different. Whereas the man might begin to feel frisky after 4.3 seconds, it might be 43 minutes before Marge is even vaguely in the mood to be loved. To offset these problems in marriage, the couple has to learn the skill of being close without having sexual intercourse. There needs to be times when they can just cuddle together, hold each other’s hand’s, scratch each other’s back, dub each other’s feet --- just to be close, loving and caring --- but without bringing sex into it. Men like to be held too --- and can learn, with practice, that it doesn’t always have to lead to the "horizontal boogie."

At the same time, the woman in this situation needs to be patient and understanding of her husband’s libidinous impulses and at least give him an E for effort if he’s trying to move in the right direction.

Another way men and women are different in the area of sex is that women tend to need verbal rather that visual stimulation. This is because females, in general, are more verbal oriented than men. They are generally better at expressing their feelings. They enjoy conversation more, and they are just flat out more expressive.

If you think I’m off base on this one, then check it out next time you are at a social gathering in which men and women gravitate to different parts of the house. At a Christmas party, for example, the women may gather in the kitchen, while the men sit in the den. First listen to the sounds of talking and laughter coming out of thee kitchen. And then listen to the sounds of conversation coming out of the den. The difference will probably be like that between a machine gun and a six-shooter. Women are just better at talking.

And they can get fairly deep with each other pretty quickly. They’ll be sharing their deepest emotions and experiences, while the men in the other room are still playing, "So, Charlie, what do you do for a living?"

What’s my point? Simply that a woman needs to hear her man tell her how much he loves her. She needs him to tell her how thankful he is that she’s a part of his life. She needs to know that she looks "exceptionally beautiful tonight," or that "I love you more today then I did on the day we were married." Do you think your wife is the most beautiful girl in the world? Then tell her. Is being in bed with her the best feeling you’ve ever experienced? Then tell her that too, but keep in mind that you don’t have to "talk sexy" to get her motor running. Sex really does begin in the kitchen.

For a woman to come into full expression of her feelings there has to be a certain aura around the sexual union. That aura might start in the morning when the husband remembers to take the garbage out. Or when he remembers to pick up his dirty socks and underwear and put them into the hamper where they belong. Or with any other small courtesy or kindness to his family. Sex is an all day affair. It starts early in the morning and culminates at a later time in a healthy and loving way, providing the groundwork has been laid for the sexual union.

It’s a matter of loving your wife, meeting her needs, and putting her priorities first in your life. It’s a matter of being genuinely concerned about her, and letting her see that concern.

My point is this: If we don’t service the more immediate of our husband or wife, then we aren’t going to have the opportunity to service the more intimate needs in his or her life.

(Excerpt reprinted by permission Baker Book House) To purchase this book from Amazon.com click the link below Sex Begins In The Kitchen by Bill & Pam Farrel