The Cure for Incompatibility: Getting Down to the Fulltime Business of Meeting Each Other’s Most Important Emotional Needs.
The quickest cure for incompatibility and fastest road to becoming irresistible lie in meeting each other’s most important emotional needs. Happily married couples are already aware of this principle and have learned how to make their marriage a fulltime priority but these couples not only put out the effort they also put their effort in the right places.
The Irresistible Man.
Any husband can make himself irresistible to his wife by learning to meet her five most important emotional needs.
1. Affection. Her husband tells her that he loves her with his words, cards, flowers, gifts, and common courtesies. He hugs and kisses her many times each day, creating an environment of affection that clearly and repeatedly expresses his love for her.
2. Conversation. He sets aside time every day to talk to her. They may talk about events in their lives, their children, their feelings, or their plans. But whatever the topic, she enjoys the conversation because it is never judgmental, always informative and constructive. She talks to him as much as she would like, and responds with interest. He is never too busy "to just talk."
3. Honesty and openness. He tells her every thing about himself, leaving nothing out that might later surprise her. He describes his positive and negative feelings, events of his past, his daily schedule, his plans for the future. He never leaves her with a false impression and is truthful about this thoughts, feelings, intentions, and behavior.
4. Financial support. He assumes the responsibility to house, feed, and clothe the family. If his income is insufficient to provide essential support, he resolves the problem but upgrading his skills to increases salary. He does not work long hours, keeping himself from his wife and family, but is able to provide necessary support by working a 40 to 45 hour work week. While he encourages his wife to pursue a career, he does not depend on her salary for family living expenses.
5. Family commitment. He commits sufficient time and energy to the moral and educational development of the children. He reads to them, engages in sports with them, and takes them on frequent outings. He reads books and attends lectures with his wife on the subject of child development so that they will do a good job training the children. He and she discuss training methods and objectives until they agree. He does not proceed with any plan of training discipline without her approval. He recognizes that his care of the children is critically important to her.
Whenever a wife finds a husband who exhibits all five qualities, she will find him irresistible. But a note of caution: If he exhibits only four of them, she will still experience a void that will nag persistently and incessantly for fulfillment. When it comes to me the five basic needs, batting 800 is not good enough. The every husband must try for 1,000.
The Irresistible Woman. A wife makes herself irresistible to her husband by learning to meet his five most important emotional needs.
1. Sexual fulfillment. His wife meets this need by becoming a terrific sexual partner. She studies her own sexual response to recognize and understand what brings out the best in her; then she shares this information with him, and together they learn to have a sexual relationship that both find repeatedly satisfying and enjoyable.
2. Recreational companionship. She develops an interest in the recreational activities he enjoys most and tries to become proficient at them. If she finds she cannot enjoy them, she encourages him to consider other activities did they can enjoy together. She becomes his favorite recreational companion, and he associates her with his most enjoyable moments of relaxation.
3. Physical attractiveness. She keeps herself physically fit with diet and exercise, and she wears her hair, makeup, and clothes in a way that he finds attractive and tasteful. He is attracted to her and private and proud of her in public.
4. Domestic support. She creates a home that offers him a refuge from the stresses of life. She manages the household responsibilities in a way that encourages him to spend time at home enjoying his family.
5. Admiration. She understands and appreciates him more than anyone else. She reminds him of his value and achievements and helps him to maintain self-confidence. She avoids criticizing him. She’s proud of him, not out of duty, but from a profound respect for the man she chose to marry.
When a man finds a woman who exhibits all five qualities, he will find her irresistible. But again the same note of caution must be sounded for the women that sounded for the man. If a wife meets only four of her husband’s five emotional needs, he will experience a void that can lead to problems. Like her husband, a wife must seek to bat 1,000 in meeting basic needs. Being satisfied with meeting three or four of his basic needs will not make you totally irresistible.
Discover the most important emotional needs of you and your spouse.
You may still remain unsure that the emotional needs I’ve described are your most important needs – or the most important needs of your spouse.
In all honesty, I cannot say for certain which of these needs applied to you or your spouse. So I’ve provided an opportunity for you and your spouse to find out for yourselves.
In the back of this book, in appendix A, I have written a short description of each of the ten emotional needs. Then, in appendix B, there is an emotional needs questionnaire for you to complete. The questionnaire will help you determine which of the ten emotional needs are most important to you and your spouse.
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(Excerpt reprinted by permission
Revell Publishing)
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His
Needs Her Needs
by
Willard F. Harley, Jr.
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